Links
Archives
Ideas, and accounts of life from my perspective, but no honking
Tuesday, February 03, 2004
God's 2004 budget for the Universe is laden with pork. He panders to several billion "special interests", depleting the vast expanse of cosmos of "meaning", so that each of his individual constituents may create their own.
But freedom to choose, in the face of infinite choice, is not Heaven.
Still, God bankrupted the future and the past, making them pay for NOW in all its splendor. Five and a half billion years of nothingness paid for our brief sorrow and joy, and the burnt out cinders of meaning will drift in the void forever after.
But freedom to choose, in the face of infinite choice, is not Heaven.
Still, God bankrupted the future and the past, making them pay for NOW in all its splendor. Five and a half billion years of nothingness paid for our brief sorrow and joy, and the burnt out cinders of meaning will drift in the void forever after.
Thursday, January 29, 2004
Okay, one dream will make it on the BLOG, not in my dream journal. It's more important that I write it down than where, exactly.
I was at a restaurant with J, DR and DH.
I went into the men's room to take out my eyes. Not just my contacts, my whole eyeballs. I stood in front of the mirror and watched/felt myself pull them out, all huge and gooey, like hard-boiled eyes the size almost of tennis balls. My contacts were adhering to the eyeballs, wrinkly and precarious and blue-tinted. I pushed them with my finger to smooth them out flat and keep them centered over the cornea, a little worried about losing them.
Somehow, i could see just fine, with empty eye sockets.
I went back to the counter of the diner we were eating at (eyeballs in my coat pockets?). J and D's were looking at pastries behind glass under the counter, lucious pies and Napoleans. This was an old favorite hang out of ours from way back in SF or LA, like the Nautilus Diner. DR and J wanted to order something low-cholesteral, and I thought to myself I would come back later and order something really tasty.
JR and I were looking at cool map of a spit of land reaching out from Rudy's, parallel to the shore, in the Atlantic Ocean. It was a scetion of town that was connected to the mainland by rail tracks that ran along the narrow spit, water on both sides. Nightime, winter? Summer? A neat map, and it became a neat overhead view.
JR and I decided to walk along the tracks, on some mission, past Rudy's into the dream geography. We had flashlights? Waiting for trolly car to come by? It was fun.
I was at a restaurant with J, DR and DH.
I went into the men's room to take out my eyes. Not just my contacts, my whole eyeballs. I stood in front of the mirror and watched/felt myself pull them out, all huge and gooey, like hard-boiled eyes the size almost of tennis balls. My contacts were adhering to the eyeballs, wrinkly and precarious and blue-tinted. I pushed them with my finger to smooth them out flat and keep them centered over the cornea, a little worried about losing them.
Somehow, i could see just fine, with empty eye sockets.
I went back to the counter of the diner we were eating at (eyeballs in my coat pockets?). J and D's were looking at pastries behind glass under the counter, lucious pies and Napoleans. This was an old favorite hang out of ours from way back in SF or LA, like the Nautilus Diner. DR and J wanted to order something low-cholesteral, and I thought to myself I would come back later and order something really tasty.
JR and I were looking at cool map of a spit of land reaching out from Rudy's, parallel to the shore, in the Atlantic Ocean. It was a scetion of town that was connected to the mainland by rail tracks that ran along the narrow spit, water on both sides. Nightime, winter? Summer? A neat map, and it became a neat overhead view.
JR and I decided to walk along the tracks, on some mission, past Rudy's into the dream geography. We had flashlights? Waiting for trolly car to come by? It was fun.
Wednesday, December 31, 2003
Hey, if you don't have something to write and reflect on in your Blog on December 31st as the old year dies, when do you?
My New Year's resolutions for 2004:
More "work" in the artwork. Just work and trust the process, a little each day.
Save a little money each month. Ten years from now, in 2114, maybe we will be in a house of our own. Our maybe we'll have some other use for all that money we saved. I'm not 100% positive how it will turn out.
Right now as i sit here I am vaguley aware of longings unfulfilled and goals unmet for 2003, but those two up there pretty much capture it.
I am deleriously happy to be married to the woman I love, so really the major questions have been answered with a Yes.
2003 was a hard year, losing my father and watching the country and our world spin every more tragically Hellward.
My own life and what I can personally control, things are better.
Peace and Love to all who can accept.
Outahere, 2003.
My New Year's resolutions for 2004:
More "work" in the artwork. Just work and trust the process, a little each day.
Save a little money each month. Ten years from now, in 2114, maybe we will be in a house of our own. Our maybe we'll have some other use for all that money we saved. I'm not 100% positive how it will turn out.
Right now as i sit here I am vaguley aware of longings unfulfilled and goals unmet for 2003, but those two up there pretty much capture it.
I am deleriously happy to be married to the woman I love, so really the major questions have been answered with a Yes.
2003 was a hard year, losing my father and watching the country and our world spin every more tragically Hellward.
My own life and what I can personally control, things are better.
Peace and Love to all who can accept.
Outahere, 2003.
Monday, December 15, 2003
A proud moment in our marriage: My wife has just made the analogy that Sadaam Hussein is to Stalin as the Monkees are to The Beatles, and she posted it in her blog.
Friday, December 12, 2003
Happy Birthday, DR.
I listened to Tori Amos Little earthquakes all the way through last night, for the first time in 5 years, at least. I am struck by how raw and tender it sounds, how it affects me more now than when I played it over and over in 1993.
The song about her father is so sad, and joyous. But it gets me very tender, thinking about my father, who might be singing it to me. And it makes me long for that maybe-child I would love with all the love I have.
When you look at the lyrics on the page, they just sit there, inert. It's not poetry or even good writing. But when she sings it, it captures so much sadness I feel about the relationship I have with my father, and that other people have with their father, and that parents have with children. How we live for the other, and how the other only wishes us happiness.
How sad it is to not have turned out a brilliant, happy success when this person put all their eggs in your basket, gave up themselves and hitched their hopes and dreams to you. And how wonderful, wonderful it is that someone did that for you.
Kudos to Elton John for creating meaning in Bernie Taupin's lyrics, which usually don't mean a lot.
Anyway, happy birthday, DR.
I listened to Tori Amos Little earthquakes all the way through last night, for the first time in 5 years, at least. I am struck by how raw and tender it sounds, how it affects me more now than when I played it over and over in 1993.
The song about her father is so sad, and joyous. But it gets me very tender, thinking about my father, who might be singing it to me. And it makes me long for that maybe-child I would love with all the love I have.
When you look at the lyrics on the page, they just sit there, inert. It's not poetry or even good writing. But when she sings it, it captures so much sadness I feel about the relationship I have with my father, and that other people have with their father, and that parents have with children. How we live for the other, and how the other only wishes us happiness.
How sad it is to not have turned out a brilliant, happy success when this person put all their eggs in your basket, gave up themselves and hitched their hopes and dreams to you. And how wonderful, wonderful it is that someone did that for you.
Kudos to Elton John for creating meaning in Bernie Taupin's lyrics, which usually don't mean a lot.
Anyway, happy birthday, DR.
Friday, December 05, 2003
Search: Unicorn
Replace: Giant Squid
"The maiden put her head in the lap of the GIANT SQUID, tenderly stroking its face. The GIANT SQUID lay helpless as the knight closed in, sword drawn."
Replace: Giant Squid
"The maiden put her head in the lap of the GIANT SQUID, tenderly stroking its face. The GIANT SQUID lay helpless as the knight closed in, sword drawn."
Tuesday, November 18, 2003
This morning's dream:
I was in my senior year at Drew U and trying to find a way to pay off my students loans from the previous years "So I won't have to keep being enroled in college". Somehow, as long as I stayed in school I didn't have to pay it back. My debt was $1,250.00 per year.
Dave Hirata and Iris were helping me figure out how to pay it off.
Next dream...
I was in a biplane strafing a house with German soldiers hiding inside. Then, Joe Spiekermann and i were hiding inside a house as a plane flew around, sttrafing us with machine gun fire. We hid behind beds, in closets, behind walls as the bullets ripped through everything around us. No way to know where they'd come from, nowhere was safe.
I was in my senior year at Drew U and trying to find a way to pay off my students loans from the previous years "So I won't have to keep being enroled in college". Somehow, as long as I stayed in school I didn't have to pay it back. My debt was $1,250.00 per year.
Dave Hirata and Iris were helping me figure out how to pay it off.
Next dream...
I was in a biplane strafing a house with German soldiers hiding inside. Then, Joe Spiekermann and i were hiding inside a house as a plane flew around, sttrafing us with machine gun fire. We hid behind beds, in closets, behind walls as the bullets ripped through everything around us. No way to know where they'd come from, nowhere was safe.
